A little phrasebook of democracy
In the turbulent age of Kali Yuga it is so very hard to find one’s bearing. Kali Tribune, bearing this lack of bearing in mind, embarked on the project of preparing a little phrasebook of democracy to aid it’s readers in understanding both this age and their respective places in the midst of it. The phrasebook is a work in progress, so participation from readers is welcome. Comrades, the history is watching! Let us not disappoint.
Newspeak of Kali Yuga, best of:
To commemorate the victims of (…) – To affirm death as a desirable strong point for political leverage
To commemorate victims of (…) from all sides of (…) conflict – To affirm death as global player. Necessary for building the sado-mazo identities, where nations compete in counting and recounting their dead on the free-market. The more victims in the past, better the position in the future, except it collides with USA or EU interests. Conditio sine qua non of contemporary democracies and categorical imperative of moral action. Commemorating, or as they say in pejorative sense: “bending over”, must be supported by global public, i.e. mass media and mass intellectuals to who mass media are accessible. Logically indefensible, morally repulsive, by laws proscribed counterfeit of the thing formerly known as “compassion”. It is strictly obligatory.
Political correctness – System of rules by which the swine or swineherd speaks the language of angels. It has a legal strength of catechism and presupposes that swine is what the swine says. Therefore, that it is not a swine.
Discrimination – Ability to pass true or false inferences based on sensory data, acquired knowledge, presuppositions, Platonic ideas and experience in general. It provides the basis for critical thought and conflicts of conscience, hence the morals in general. It is strictly forbidden.
Catholiban – from: Catholich + Taliban. The term by which liberal, cosmopolitan and of-course-left oriented Croatian speaking individual compensates for being unable to say “Chetnik rabble”.
Pluralism – Practice of expressing the identical political, religious and worldview principles in various forms (by Incompetent Reactionary)
Acceptable – Damn, who knows what’s that supposed to be.
Unacceptable – That which is not proscribed.
Desirable – That which is proscribed as obligatory
Undesirable – That which will be eradicated
Freedom – Noun denoting knowledge and skills needed to log on to Facebook
Compassion – Noun denoting knowledge and skills needed for exercise of ritual consternation.
Parliament – Band playing on “Titanic”
Homophobe – Man who copulates consequently. In some non-English languages the term has looming discriminatory overtones because it can’t be rendered in female grammatical gender.
Patriarchy – Family as a social unit not being in need of social care and supervision. It is constituted from elements denoted as “father”, “mother”, “children”. Postmodern studies had shown without the need of a proof that it breeds homophobia. It will be abolished, once it’s elements are renamed as A,B,C(a,b)
Chastity – Promiscuity
Pornography – First love
Violence – Inability to infinitely endure oppression. Strictly forbidden
Dialogue – Delaying of conclusion. Points to the infinity.
Religion – That which is acceptable
Atheism – Graduation with honors in religion instruction curricula
Lie – Truth
Truth – Lie
Public forum – Confession. Obligatory before communion. Fraudulent by it’s nature, therefore trustworthy.
Multiculturalism – Erasing of cultural differences. To be accomplished by erasing the culture itself.
Lifelong learning – Systematized unemployment. Refutation of the fact that finite human being cannot master more than one or, at best, two professions in a life time.
Euthanasia – Well deserved pension.
Anti-Semitism – Anomaly occurring in public forum when it so happens that word ‘Holocaust’ is not mentioned, or impression is made that speaker would inscribe it with small ‘h’ instead of the capital letter. It is of no consequence if the speaker’s family was eradicated in the said event, the transgression calls for irrevocable anathema.
Guilt – Breathing tax
Responsibility – Universal obligation to be guilty.
Conspiracy theory – Idea that policy and economic decisions are being made outside public scrutiny, and usually to it’s demise. Historically unfounded, commonsensical untenable, even when it is thoroughly proven.
Human rights – Another’s right, your duty. You have no rights. Applies to everybody indiscriminately.
Xenophobia – Conviction that Xena the warrior princesses’ head is too big for her to be really pretty.
LGTBQ (…) – Acronym with tendency to infinite extension in the plus, i.e. to the right of LGTB… constant. It proves intimate connection between alphabet and infinite set of numbers. In the future it will provide synergy between language and mathematics classes in elementary schools. With no need of proof it proves that any given set of letters is always greater than any given infinite set of numbers.
Sustainable development – Climbing while falling
Hate speech – Any form of applying lips and tongue for anything else save orally satisfying the representatives of governance, minorities or NGOs.
Democracy – A primitive form of Facebook
Feminism – A system of principles, rules, regulations and examples of good practice for training insecure women in police work for totalitarian state.
Fundamentalism – Being consequent
Mobility – Global foreclosure on real estate
Public condemnation – Confession of acceptable. Replacing what was once called “courage”
Liberal – Person accepting or approving of everything that does he or she no discomfort. A martyr among the faithful.