Dictionary of Alternative Media
Alternative media … how to find your way through it? Why, that’s easy! Kali Tribune provides you with all the alt media prep knowledge you need: comprehensive dictionary of alt media. This is a work in progress so stay tuned.
Alternative (alt/independent/free) media – a system of blogs, websites, youtube channels and social network avatars/groups that meet at least one of the following criteria:
- quote, paraphrase or link to RT at least once per no less than every third post, video or podcast;
- have at least one meme, image, post, video or podcast with: stern looking/smiling Bashar al Assad, exclusively stern looking Vladimir Putin, Sergei Lavrov looking as if he just had a sip of battery acid, Georgy Soroš with the captioned word “EXPOSED”;
- have at least one meme, image, post, video or podcast per no less than every third where some form of the statement “Zionists did it” is put forward. If the alt media at hand is just in the early stages of development some form of statement “of course, not all Jews …” regularly follows. More developed alt media as a rule omit this;
- use word EXPOSED in capitalized characters at least once per three memes, posts, videos, podcasts
Alternative (alt/independent/free) media journalist – a person writing a blog or social network posts, relying on one of the three principal sources of information: investigative journalist, geopolitical analyst or RT whereas,
- investigative journalist is a person who has had an epiphany on the guided tour in the Middle East, North Korea or anywhere else where you can’t go without being guided, but you can nevertheless leave without experiencing an epiphany, which disqualifies you as an investigative journalist. Epiphany consists in total appropriation of the policy line suggested by the organizer of guided tour. It is only natural for journalist to become guided for just because the tour has ended, guiding can and should linger – that was why the tour was guided in the first place. And that’s precisely what makes him/her investigative. Otherwise he/she would be just an alternative journalist;
- geopolitical analyst is a person playing Risk on line without knowing the rules of the game, therefore always wining, i.e. correctly predicting that Russia has been pressured but eventually came on top. This does not mean that Russia more likely screwed up. That’s a fact and not a geopolitical analysis which is concerned with tabletop gaming and not with facts.
- RT is a term taken from kataphatic putinology, i.e. theological discipline concerned with things that mind attributes to Vladimir Putin, and Russian Federation emanating from him, which can be approximated in human language. Concretely, RT is σωφια, i.e. the activity/energy/intention/attribute of Putin that can be dynamically comprehended by on-line activity of consuming the information disseminated through it. Alternative media journalist is the person who piously allowed himself to be infused in his innermost being with RT “narratives” in such a manner that he (spiritually) swallowed them hook, line and sinker. The power of RT is such that it remains alternative, independent, underground, democratic, conservative, radical Left, etc. without ever ceasing to eternally proceed from- and simultaneously return into Vladimir Putin. This also means that hook, line and sinker get pulled all the time. This also brings epiphany but is not in itself enough to turn alternative journalist into investigative journalist.
Illegal – every political, economical and legal action performed by some country whose leadership, Constitution or legal system do not conform to leadership, Constitution or legal system of the free and democratic country led by a) hereditary ruler, b) single party, c) psychopat(s), d) warring militias, e) incarnation of sun-deity, f) a mummy enshrined in the mausoleum in the central square of countries capitol.
legal – every political, economical and legal action performed by some country whose leadership would in more enlightened times be a) stoned, b) impaled, c) shot, d) banished, e) made to entertain villagers with tricks and/or sell matches. Some of the top cool and legal leaders recognized by the alt media were Slobodan Milošević and Sadam Hussein. One attribute of Vladimir Putin all alt media recognize in our day and age is legality or pravda: truth/justice/media freedom. It is a way in which human mind can comprehend what “legitimate Russian sphere of influence” is.
Zionist(s) – “did it”
CIA – “did it”
NATO – “did it”
USA (“Empire”) – “did it”
West – “did it”
Georgy Soroš – “funded it”
NATO/CIA/USA(“Imperialist”), West, Georgy Soroš shill/stooge/agent – person denying that Bashar al Assad is the most saintly ruler in modern history; person claiming that the direct knowledge of the essence of Vladimir Putin can be accomplished in this life; person in any way expressing doubt about something written by alternative journalist or anything written by investigative journalist; person that by various signs, gestures, words or sighs indicates that he’s beginning to realize that alternative and/or investigative journalist is simply an ignorant egomaniac with the following of immature, cult-like drones.
Twitter – a final frontier or every global war/peace process. Presence of alternative/investigative journalist on Twitter rises in proportion with the number of times he/she declares that he/she has better things to do than to tweet. Being blocked on Twitter by multiple individuals amounts to heroic death/martyrdom.
On the ground reporting – investigative journalist visiting a country about which he/she afterwards knows all about. Also it infuses him/her with knowledge of all other countries, history, geopolitics, etc.
Mainstream media – all media based to the west of the South-Eastern Ukraine and in no way related to RT, therefore eternally separated from truth, freedom and pravda. Quoting MSM is unavoidable effect of our fallen nature and can be renounced only by accepting RT and other non-MSM media in faith, hope and charity, i.e. verbatim.
Truth – the state of redemption best reached by forgetting how to read and write. Every Russian/North Korean/Syrian loyal public official has been born in this state and can infuse others with it.
Left – Right
Right – Further Right
Children (suffering, … of Gaza, … of Syria, wailing, bombed, hungry, etc.) – The only chess piece investigative/alternative journalist/geopolitical analyst needs to move in order to win: a pawn.
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