A Pocket Eurasian Dictionary

Geopolitics this, geopolitics that … it kinda gets annoying doesn’t it? Well, why not educate ourselves about it. A year ago Kali Tribune presented “A Pocket Euro-Atlantist Dictionary” which served to clarify some terms used by Eurocrats, NATO, American think tanks and other annoying entities. Now we’ll push further and turn our focus into opposite direction. 

We hereby present “A Pocket Eurasianist Dictionary”. It may seem like an opposite to previous one but, ask yourselves: can two dictionaries really be opposite? And, consequently, can the two ideological monstrosities contained therein be all that different?

Geopolitics (ad. geopolitical) – A way to express in a single word that no matter what happened, you have it figured out already

Geopolitical analyst – Blogger who gets geopolitics

Geopolitical analysis – A text beginning with an image of pipeline, Vladimir Putin, explosion or military airplane and the phrase “Euro-Atlantist bloc is pushing to …”. It ends with “… it remains to be seen how the Russia will react”.

Geopolitical expert –  Geopolitical analyst with glasses or Geopolitical Santa Clause (see below)

Geopolitical prediction – Opposite of what we’ll likely happen in the future. Rarely fails, especially if done by Amero-Russian geopolitical analyst quoting Russian geopolitical expert or Geopolitical Santa Clause

Geopolitical outcome – Man has to do what the man has got to do

Geopolitical situation in Balkan – Opposite of actual geopolitical situation in Balkan

Geopolitical destiny – A global order where everyone is forced to watch as Alexander Dugin does weather forecast every day and gets it wrong each time in order to get it right in the fullness of time

Geopolitics of the Great game – Geopolitical analysts peeping through the keyhole at the TV show presenting B grade actors playing the game of Monopoly and quoting geopolitical experts

Geopolitical awareness – Ability to shout “false flag!” when turning on the News, before catching a breath

Geopolitical implications of a historical event (cca XVII Century onwards) – “CIA faked it!”

Geopolitics of sexuality – Big is beautiful

Geopolitical twist – Trump dupes the geopolitical analysts

Geopolitical shout – “Neocons made him do it!”

Geopolitical regret – Somebody searching the way back machine for geopolitical analyst’s prediction

Geopolitical Santa Clause – Alexander Dugin in your chimney

Geopolitical gamble – Human being or group thereof exercising free will

Geopolitical disaster – Successful geopolitical gamble

Geopolitical necessity – Successful prediction of geopolitical expert which is as a rule an opposite of what will really happen, but firmly based on historical facts that are also an opposite of what actually had happened

Geopolitical multipolarity – Global Eurasian Empire with Russia at the center. The only space big enough to fulfill Russian historical destiny of being the Messianic people, but at the same time restraining themselves from annoying anybody or, God forbid, running armored vehicles through someone else’s backyard. For this purpose “strategic nuclear arsenal should be developed at the expense of other branches of military” (Dugin, “Elements of Geopolitics”)

Geopolitical New Jerusalem – see Geopolitical Multipolarity

Geopolitical expansion – The right of every civilization to be re-civilized by Russian civilization (A. Dugin, “Elements of Geopolitics”)

Geopolitical rimland – If you’re there, you’re fucked

Geopolitical eschatology – Battle of sand and muddy waters (gave birth to all world religions, cultures, etc.)

Geopolitical endkampf – World conflict over what is better: to stick your head in the sand or in the sea water

Geopolitical devil – Georgy Soros. In the wake of Geopolitical endkampf he’ll be blown away by one breath from Vladimir Putin’s mouth

Geopolitical angel – The guy who can look Vladimir Putin face to face without blinking for protracted period of time.

Geopolitical pain in the ass – Man who cannot utter anything without saying that something is “geopolitical”. Most likely, he never heard the word before he turned on the RT.

Geopolitical Orthodox: Western Orthodox Christian, newly converted, cites Patristics a lot, mercilessly hunts down heresies which are found everywhere except in the works of Geopolitical Santa Claus

Geopolitical Byzantine: Geopolitical Orthodox who is convinced that Putin’s Russia is a continuation of the Byzantine/Tzarist Imperial Tradition.

Breath-taking Geopolitical Byzantine: Geopolitical Byzantine who has no qualms to include even some historical portions of the Soviet Union in the continuation scheme cited above.

Geopolitical Mileniarist: The one eagerly awaiting the Geopolitical Endkampf.

Geopolitical anti-spectacle showman: Geopolitical expert who posts pictures with Dugin holding a missile launcher on his shoulders all the while claiming that he is against something he calls “the endless spectacle” which will apparently end soon.

Endless spectacle: A spectacle which is not geopolitical i.e. Dugin is not the main actor.

Geopolitical occamist: One for whom is obvious that everything related to Putin, Trump etc. is to be taken at face value, all the while anything in the other camp is psychological conditioning and media manipulation.

Geopolitical insider: one who has inside news about what’s happening in Russia- he takes it from RT, which using the formula of the Geopolitical Occamist is most certainly reliable first-hand information.

Geopolitical Numerologist: One who holds that the 4th PT is the final revelation before the Geopolitical Eschaton (since 1+2+3+4=10, so after the 4th anything else is redundant)

Geopolitical Heretic: one who is uninitiated in the geopolitical numerology and foolishly asks why a 4th ideology wouldn’t be followed by a 5th, 6th and so on down the indefinite numerical line…

Branko Malić/Mihai Marinescu

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